Excuse me, bitch?

So, today was the 31st day of actual class days this semester (I counted).

I have 1 class on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays (when I go), and 3 classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You might be asking why the fuck is this relevant? Well, I'm about to tell you why.

There's this one girl in my class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and we also have a class together on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you do your math right, thats a class with her everyday.

I remember the first day of classes when I saw her. She was hard to miss. She had a choppy haircut (but not in the good way) and a black hoodie with vibrant letters that spelt out "UNCG". I remember thinking "oh thats a very pretty pink." Good story, huh? No? That's because it's not over, asshole.

I didn't take note of the fact that she was wearing the same hoodie everyday until I started to notice a slight stench in class. I remember it clearly, it was a Wednesday. It was 52 degrees out, partly cloudy, 40% chance of precipitation.

Being the contribution to society that I am, I considered it my duty to the class to find the culprit, and take care of it. So I started sniffin. You know how you do the casual armpit sniff to see if YOU'RE the one that smells like putrid body odor? Yep. That's what I started doing. But I wasn't smelling me, cause I knew damn well I was smellin' good. Afterall, I had already showered that month(ocean breeze scent shampoo).

I smelt all the people in my close proximity, and it wasn't any of them. So the search continued. As I was looking for the next person to sniff, a very pretty pink caught my eye. Hm.

I sniffed her.
I gagged.
Literally gagged.
I would go as far as to say I was dry heaving, except it wouldn't have been dry. My esophagus still had beer in it from the night before. But that's a story for another day.

Anyway, after texting all of my friends about the disgusting discovery I made, I started to pay attention in class. Class goes on, and every now and then I would get a repulsive sour smell hangin out in my nose hairs. I just accepted the fact that not everybody can be as well groomed as I (insert laughter here), and almost got over it.

But I couldn't. I fixated on the fact that I had NEVER seen this girl in a different outfit than the one she was wearing. Not once. This was honest to god the only hoodie I'd ever seen this girl in.

Well, today, (a Wednesday) she surprised me. She had on a different shirt. It was a navy long sleeve t-shirt that said "University of North Carolina at Greensboro" in yellow type. It was somewhat large on her, but atleast it smelt good. I texted some (read: all) friends about the revolution. I was truly thanking the good Lord above for blessing me with an unsour scented shirt on my fellow classmates.




Class ends, we start packing up.
As I'm leaving, she stops me and quietly whispers... "I think you wore that shirt Monday..."



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